Tangerine

Oh tangerine, what makes you not-an-orange?

Besides being, if possible, more orange than an orange?  You are equally as difficult to peel.

Is it because you are sweeter?  Because of your infinite seeds?

What?

Tastiness:  Sweeter than an orange. Otherwise, exactly like an orange, which is delicious.  So eight.

Ease of Extractability:  See: peel.  See also: seeds.  Five.

Overall nommability:  Forty.

Black Velvet Apricot

Black velvet apricot, hey?

Are you sure you are not just a furry black plum?

Because you look like a furry black plum.  On all sides.

And you taste like a furry black plum.

With maybe a hint of apricot.

Tastiness: The fuzz is, I think, part of the taste, and fuzzy fruit gives me the heebs.  On the other hand, the flesh is delicious - mostly plum with an apricot great-grandsire.  On the other hand, the fuzz.  So, six.

Ease of extraction:  Hold-and-eat, so...easy.  But again with the fuzz.  Maybe if someone peeled it for me.  Plus it sticks to the pit, which I hate.  Five.

Overall nommability: 30

White Nectarine

White nectarine!

You look like a regular nectarine.

You taste like a regular nectarine wearing too much perfume, and coated in sugar.

Also, you are difficult to get off the pit.

Tastiness: 5. I'm a sucker for nectarines, but this was waaaaaaaay less nectariney than it was just sweet.

Ease of extraction: 6. Hold-and-eat, but I hate fruits that don't come cleanly from the pit.

Overall nommability: 30. I will stick to regular nectarines, methinks.

Fuzzy Melon

What is your deal, fuzzy melon?
.


.
Despite the shoddy photo evidence, you are fuzzy.
.
.

But the internet can't decide if you are a fruit or a vegetable, sweet or not sweet.

.

.
You are straight-up a cucumber. How is that hard, internet?

.

.
Tastiness: I guess this depends on how much you like cucumber? I'm sort of coming around to them, so four.

.

Extractability: Seven! Just peel and eat!

.

Overall nommability: Twenty-eight! That sounds about right for a non-fruit fruit.

.

(PS It's a melon so I'm counting it.)

Physalis

What is in that basket? Phalluses? Syphalis? NAY! Those are physalis...es? Physalii? They're gross, at any rate.


But they come in such a cute little basket! And withIN the basket, the fruits themselves come in such a cute little tomatillo wrapper!


Adorablemente, no? So fragile and whimsical. Like fruited moths.

But the physalis is in the nightshade family and DUDE IT TASTES LIKE IT. Every time I ate one I felt sickly. I should have left them out for the wasps. Would have solved that problem.

These little seedy, tomato-esqe beasts were a serious let-down. They tasted like Citrus-Action Lysol. My camera is garbage. Picture a cherry tomato, that is orange.

Tastiness: Zero. If I could sanction giving it a negative number, I would. It was chemically and gave me the queasy uneasies and I tried to eat them for, like, four days, but could never get past the one.

.

Ease of extraction: Eight! They were a bit sticky (I tried washing one to see if it was the outer stickiness that was giving me the tangy gut, but no dice) but other than that, you just undress the little bastards and have at them.

.

Overall Nommability: Uh...I guess that anything times zero is zero, which makes sense. It doesn't matter how easy it is to extract if the extractables aren't worth extracting. The zero stands.

Burro banana

Burro bananas are the ultimate in gross.


They are hilarious in shape

But they are hell to open. DO YOU SEE HOW THICK THE SKIN!??!?!

Do you see how hideous and mashy once opened? That is because of the skin, and the difficulty i opening.

And while the top was all chalky and bad, the bottom was soft and awkwardly yellow.

Although that's really the only part that tasted ok. I more licked it than bit it, due to the banana-slug aspect.

But then I looked them up on the intarwebs and the intarwebs told me to let them get good and yellow, with a few black spots.

So...good thing I bought two. But by the time the top was all yellowed up, the bottom was unpleasant.

I threw down a few bites of this one, and it just tasted like the banana's awkward cousin.

Except for the browney bits. Those tasted like eeeeugh.


Tastiness: Two. The top third of the second banana wasn't horrible.

Ease of Extraction: Two. The skin was like leather.

Overall Nommability: Four. Not altogether a pleasant fruit.

Mango(s)

Yes, this is Robyn's first post on this blog. No, she has not not been eating fruits and yes she doesn't not enjoy double negatives. She is just a lazy blogger. Now that we have been properly aquainted, lets get on with it, shall we?

So. Mangos.

I bought 2 mangos, as you can see. The mango on the right is the 'regular' mango and the one on the left is the 'sweet' mango, also known as the 'olongapo' mango.

I was told how to cut a mango by a friend of mine who said to cut the mango lenthwise along the pit. Then, take a real big spoon and sort of dig in the mango and run it along the stone. Then, the fleshy, fruity part of the mango should easily lift away from the pit. Then, cut the mango fruit into squares while still in the skin and then just cut the skin away. You should be left with delicious squared pieces of mango! Sounds simple, yes? No.

Let's start with the regular mango.

Already, it is a disaster. The fruit did not come so easily from the pit. This is the finished product:

On the left you see the mango skin and pit. And on the right is the amount of actual fruit that was in cube-sized pieces all ready to eat (this pile is minus about 4 pieces which I ate before I remembered I had to take the picture). I know I'm no mango expert but it just shouldn't be this hard to eat fruit!!!

Moving along.

Sweet mango:

Sweet mango halved easier but I think it's because I didn't cut right along the pit with the result being that I just shaved off half the mango from the pit.

Definitely a higher fruit to skin-and-pit ratio. Sweet mango was sweet and more perfumy than regular mango. The texture was firmer and, unlike regular mango who mushed in my mouth and got stringys caught in my teeth, eating sweet mango was like eating a good solid piece of fruit.

Later I looked at this video: http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-cut-a-mango-2 (I hope I did that linking thingy right...). Trust me, it's not as easy as the professional chef makes it look.

Now, I really thought I luuuuuuurrrrved mangos. Like, lurved them a lot. And yes, I like mangos. They're tasty and exotic and fun but more I think I just like mango flavoured things. Like, mango-and-other-exotic-fruit juice or mango chutney or mango ice cream. Mango the fruit? Not so much worth the effort.

Tastiness: 7 - yummy, but not melt-your-face-off-eat-every-day yummy.

Ease of extraction: 2 - fruit sticks to pit and skin and is a bit mushy and juicy and incredibly sticky. If you said I could have as many mangos as I wanted for free any time I wanted but I had to cut them myself I would probably go ahead and pass.

Overall nommability: 14. Not a good score for Robyn's first post.... but seriously, it's hard to imagine a harder fruit to get at. I don't want to work at it I just want to eeeeeet it!

PS - This counts as 2 fruits right? I would score them the same anyways.... yes, I think it counts as 2.