Firstly, what is wrong with your face?
I mean, seriously. You should get that checked out. It's...unappealing. You are not a nice-looking fruit. Actually, you look way better in these photos than you do in real life.
Ok, and secondly, where have you been all my life?
Seriously, you are amazing. You are an apricot without that horrid fuzz, and a plum without the tendency to juice down my chin. You are firm and you are sweet and you are nectary.