Pluot

Dear Pluot Plucot Apricot/Plum lovechild,

Firstly, what is wrong with your face?

I mean, seriously. You should get that checked out. It's...unappealing. You are not a nice-looking fruit. Actually, you look way better in these photos than you do in real life.

And it's not just you, either. Your friend, The Other Pluot, is similarly gross-looking.

Ok, and secondly, where have you been all my life?

Seriously, you are amazing. You are an apricot without that horrid fuzz, and a plum without the tendency to juice down my chin. You are firm and you are sweet and you are nectary.

This is me, smiling at you.

The Ratings:

Tastiness: *slavers* Seriously, SOOO GOOOOOD. 9, easy.

Ease of extraction: A little bit you stick to the pit, and that makes leaving said pit lying around a bit messy. But YOU are not messy. So, 9 again.

Overall Nommability: 81

Papaya

Papayas are emminently holdable.



Look how palm-sized that is. And they slice like a dream, and the colors are gorgeous.

But those bastard seeds are EVERYwhere!

They don't just clump together in the middle like the sensible squash. They make little cave-homes and they hide, and you have to chase them down with your Gouging Spoon, and papaya flesh is so soft and yielding anyways that you lose a good bit of it with all the scooping and peeling, and then you lose even MORE with all of the gouging.

Ratings:

Tastiness: If you took all the exotic-type fruits you could think of and threw them in a blender, but left the peel on one of them so that there was a squidge of unidentifiable bitterness, and then extracted all of the zip and zing and pow, you'd be left with something mild and bland but more or less tasty. So, 5.

Ease of extraction: It'd be an 8 if not for those hide-and-seek seeds. 7.

Overall Nommability: 35

Canary Melon

Hey Raych, what is that oblongey yellow thing you have in your hand?

Oh this little old thing? Only the latest in exotic fruitstuffs, the canary melon.

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Sounds island-y. Revel in awe, at any rate. It is a whole new thing.

.Except...that soothing green color looks vaguely familiar. As do those seeds...

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You're in for a world of spoilers, my friends. Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze, Soylent green is people, and a canary melon is a honeydew.

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Not 'tastes like,' not 'can stand in for if the supermarket is out of,' not 'is the marginally juicier identical twin of'...oh no wait, yes. That last one.

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But I've always felt that honeydew would be a little bit awesomer if it were a little bit more likely to splash onto my shoe. The universe has heard my cry.

Ratings:

Tastiness: The tastiness of a honeydew + 1, so 7

Ease of Extraction: Reasonably thin-skinned and easy to cut, the seeds practically scrape themselves out, I own a melon-baller (of sorts), 8

Overall Nommability: 56 (right? Math is hard)

Donut-peach

Let's get fruitecting!!

Seeing as how this is our first fruitection, I thought I'd start things off slow and easy with a donut-peach.

Ha ha what? That thing is not real, you say. I have somehow photo-shopped a furless peach into flatness.

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No, seriously, can you not tell by my tortuous photo-taking skills that my photo-and-things-photo-related-including-shopping skills are, on a scale of 1 - 10, somewhere around 0.75?

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Donut-peaches are as real as steel, kiddos.

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And they're, like, a zillion times easier to eat because there's none of this trying to get your mouth around a thing that is bigger than your mouth. It's like a peach-flavored cookie.

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With a pitty center.

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And they taste exactly like you would expect them to. So...peachy.

Ratings:

Tastiness: 9 - all the deliciousness of a peach without that shudder-inducing fuzz.

Ease of Extraction: 9 - as previously mentioned, easier even than regular stone-fruits. Kept from a perfect score by the fact that the pit doesn't come away clean, resulting in inevitable loss of fruit-matter.

Overall Nommability: 81!!

An excellent score for our first fruitection. Rachel out.

Who are these kids?

Greets!
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This is Robyn:

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And this is Rachel:

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If there is one thing Robyn and Rachel are good at doing, it is eating.

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The year that they were roommates, they did copious amounts of eating.

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They also made a low-fat flan, which will never be discussed again.

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Flan aside, these two are excellent eaters.

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They are also, when the occasion warrents, capable of drinking.

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Skilled ingestors, these two.

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Anyways, after many happy years of eating, Robyn got married and then Rachel got married and then Rachel moved over some water.

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Now they live too far apart to do sufficient co-eating.

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Luckily for them, there is the internet. Also, blogs.

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One of Maggie Mason's (from whom Rachel shamelessly cribbed this idea) life goals is to eat 1000 fruits before she dies. Because she's doing it, it must be cool. Because Robyn and Rachel are only half this cool, they will jointly attempt to eat 1000 fruits before they (collectively) die.

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The hastily-cobbled-together rules (such as they are):

1. Tomatoes do not count as fruits.

2. Fruit in question must be tasted and documented by the Fruitective with the following corollary: If Robyn finds herself in potential possession of a RARE AND EXOTIC fruit to which she may be allergic* she has permission to nominate a surrogate taster.

3. Fruit cannot be tasted retrospectively. Rachel cannot go back in time and document the mangosteen from 2006. She must locate a 2009 (or later) mangosteen.

4. Sub-fruit-categories count as different fruits. Par example, a Spartan apple is a different fruit altogether from a Red Delicious apple. However, a Spartan apple that I eat in Wyoming is no different than a Spartan apple that I eat in BC. Similarly, a frozen banana is no different from a fresh banana or a banana chip.

5. Fruits will be ranked in three categories:

- Tastiness (out of 10, 10 being Very Tasty, 1 being Not Very Tasty At All)

- Ease of Extraction (out of 10, 10 being Very Easy to Extract, 1 being Not Very Easy At All)

- Overall Nommability (out of 100, being a product of T x EoE. A pomegranate, while ranking high on the Tastiness scale, would score fairly low on the Ease of Extraction scale, giving it a lower Overall Nommability score)

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*Robyn is allergic to all fruits that grow on trees of which you eat the skin. So...oranges are fine because, though they grow on trees, you do not eat the skin. Strawberries are fine, because though you eat the skin, they do not grow on trees. Apples break all available rules, and are therefore Not Fine.

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Join us, won't you?

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Fruitectives, ha cha cha!

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